I wrote this a couple of weeks ago and posting it today. I wish you safety, wellness, and happy Las Chicas del Cable marathon-watching in quarantine <3
If you’re still on Season 4, here’s my Las Chicas Del Cable Season 4 Review. Okay… SO ARE YOU READY?
OMG Ya’ll. I am STRESSED out and… I am upset.
First of all, the best most unexpected thing happened the other day. There I am, having breakfast, Netflix & bills, when I see that Season 5 of Las Chicas Del Cable has DROPPED in my queue:
And devastatingly enough, there it is, in the title: Final Season.
So now, not only has one of the greatest gifts suddenly proposed out of nowhere, it also was like, and there will be no more of this henceforth.
Naturally, I put off watching because I was not ready for a full 24 hours before I was like, okay, let’s do this chicas.
And now, are you ready? I’m about to deliver spoilers in my greasy review so please grab your Tide pen and watch Season 5 before you continue reading.
AGAIN. WARNING. DO NOT KEEP READING UNTIL YOU WATCH SEASON 5! My review is episode by episode, so watch each episode and COME BACK AND CHAT!
Are you back? Okayomgggggggggggggggggggg listen.
Season 5: Episode 1
How has Alba been through so many stressful situations yet she still looks like a 1960’s air hostess model in a magazine spread? There are no stress wrinkles, no gray hairs, and honestly, not a hair out of place after the mess she’s been through.
We’ve started off in NYC, and I’m SO THRILLED. Are we about to see some New York City action?
NO. This is a show about ESPAÑA, MI AMOR! We don’t have time for the Americans. WAR and teen conviction have whisked us away to danger in Madrid!
Marga!!! And Pablo!! And Carlota (eh)! And Oscar!!! And, and, and this new good looking dude that’s Marga & Pablo’s boss at the Compañia!
When I first heard this plot about Sofia and her going off to fight in the Spanish Civil War, I was like, okay, I can see how this is going to be a hot mess that doesn’t get resolved for a season. This is the unexciting thing that’s driving the story.
BUT, when we meet lovely Sofia who has the eyes of Angeles, and then she meets this handsome soldier, GAME ON! And oh, this heart condition thing, the stakes are raised.
The CHICAS, of course, immediately rally in support of Lidia to find Sofia and bring her back from the army she has willingly enlisted in. The amount of times these women have gathered around dangerous murdery conspiracies is equivalent to the amount of times my friends have gathered around cheeseboards and putting together centerpieces. And I find that exhausting enough to require a day of recovery. Again, HOW is Lidia’s lipstick so flawless throughout it all? What is the formula? Is it Fenty, transported through time machine?
There’s other things and characters, sure, sure, sure, but notably:
I’m SO excited to see Oscar being able to live outside his home as a trans man. I was pleasantly surprised, but also, there’s this immediate thought of like, this is war, how long will these conditions last? From the start I just know we’re in for some heartbreak here. But it’s like, this is a great moment.
And the moment I’ve really been waiting for this entire time.
And DAMN did the story catch me off guard – I was NOT expecting his introduction! I mean, I was waiting for us to see him somehow, but by half the episode I thought, I guess we’ll see him in episode 3 or 4, but no, BAM, HE’S HERE, and STRAIGHT UP EVIL.
It’s hard to watch what pain (and his own actions obvi) has done to Carlos. He’s full on blackmailing Lidia with his own blood. The man has no heart, and yet… we know he does. Somewhere, inside his cold Cifuentes pulmonary tract, his aortic valve beats for Lidia.
It’s about to get wild, but at least Lidia had 7 years of peace and quiet in NYC with Francisco, Eva y Sofia to recharge for the madness we’re about to taste.
Season 5: Episode 2
Oh NO! Carlos es una espía? And he’s torturing James?! WHY!
And Pablo is trying to avoid being enlisted and almost shoots himself in the leg – this was really heartbreaking. I’m glad Marga y whatshisface got to him in time. But what now?
OMG! He’s back!!!!! Cristobal!
Have I already forgotten what an annoying steamy mess of a relationship he and Angeles had? I guess the terrible part of who I am can enjoy his presence now that this romantic tension is no longer feasible since Angeles no esta aqui, rest in peace.
BUT YES! HE’S BACK! And he is OF COURSE on board to bring back the determined Sofia from the war front.
AND OMG. Sofia at the war front!
And OMG Cristobal, and James, and Lidia, and Carlos, and the phonecall!
And OMG, Lidia, and Francisco, and Carlos, and Eva, and THAT phonecall!
AND OMG, Carlos, and Lidia, and Sofia, and THAT phone call!!!!!!
The phone has really played an Emmy winning performance this episode.
Season 5: Episode 3
Note: trigger warning for this episode content on rape & sexual abuse.
This is a disaster. Esto es un disastre.
SOFIA is in JAIL in enemy territorio. PABLO is dodging bullets from the get go on duty at the western front. Carlos and Lidia are forced to spend time together. Carlos is a scumbag.
And OF COURSE the moment Marga touched her forehead in that car I thought… Oh no… She’s gonna be pregnant, all up in this hectic situation! If Pablo dies, I don’t know what I’m, I mean she’s, gonna do!
But with all of that, I could not have predicted (okay, maybe if I tried, only half predicted) how this episode was going to end.
Those terrible dehumanized soldiers and their horrendous plan to rape Sofia and her fellow prisoner.
She kills him, and HE’S THE GENERAL’S SON!
Now, Sofia, her bloody arm, and her fellow soldiers escape (with no pastillas around her neck!) and Lidia and Carlos are in TROUBLE!
Season 5: Episode 4
Lidia & Carlos are ON THE RUN! Carlos helps Lidia escapar and I am as surprised as Lidia (and also touched when he says, you are the mother of my child, but also like, this is all still your fault dude).
Yay Father y Church, & YAY Lidia y Sofia finally being reunited! But now what?! They’re all wanted people!
Marga catches her amigos in their mentiras. Idk what to say. I get why they lied to her. Were they right to? I don’t think so, but also, like… yeah, I get it, but it wasn’t right, but also, like…
What’s going on in Oscar’s head? Is it jealousy? Is it inseguridad? This confrontation between Oscar y Carlota. Is it grounded?
OMG!!! SOFIA AND HER SOLDIER FINALLY KISS!!!!!!!!! YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!
The escape on the milk truck is just, oh no. Lidia & Carlos…
Those lack of pastillas really put them in a pickle.
Season 5: Episode 5
This is the worst.
Prison. Sentencing to death. Francisco arrives. What is going on. Why why why mix more people into this mess?
But there’s a plan.
And there’s a funeral… no. Half a funeral. This is too much.
But WOW! This whole Pablo/Julio thing is wild. I’m here for this still stressful but semi bit of comic relief.
The hotel hostage. Oh no. MARGA! Oh no. And Oscar… another trigger warning, this time for transphobia. This is one of the most devastating scenes throughout all the seasons. This person and what they have survived is too much.
Lidia y Carlos.
Carlos delivers the speech of dying man/dead character. I just can’t with this. The moment he starts speaking I’m so sad. Like, this foreshadowing, it’s inevitable conclusion… ugh.
Pablo comes home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lidia is captured.
Carlos is captured.
Carlos is murdered. Perhaps he very obviously reaped what he sowed, but he was so beautiful. It’s a shame. We knew he was a muy hot idiota all along. To think, there will be no mas Carlos Cifuentes. No more love triangle – okay that part is a relief, but… ay.
Imprisoned. With the Wicked Witch of the East.
This is about to get from terribly bad to somehow even worse.
Season 5: Episode 6
Wait… WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! There IS no Season 5 Episode 6… YET!
I look closer and realize that not only did it say: Final Season
Final Season – Part 1
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY DO YOU HATE ME NETFLIX?
PORQUE ME ODIO???????!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?
To be continued. Literally.