How I became a ‘Ramadan Muslim’


‘Ramadan Muslim’ – it’s a condescending, derogatory term used to refer to Muslims who ‘all of a sudden’, during the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, ‘show up’ to attend the mosque for every Taraweeh prayer, stop cussing/smoking/drinking/clubbing/pre-marital sexing, pray all of their five prayers, and fast from sunrise until sunset ‘religiously’.

I grew up playing at the local mosque in the hour leading up to Mughrib prayer while my dad volunteered and socialized. I attended an Islamic School where our classroom windows had a view of the mosque. I’ve attended jumuah prayer for an overwhelming majority of the Fridays of my life. I began volunteering and organizing around the mosque in my early teenage years, and continued well throughout high school, college, and even after. The mosque has been a constant space in my existence since before my first memories, and up until about 3-4 years ago.

I am now/have been for quite a while, for lack of a better term, a ‘Ramadan Muslim’, if I can call myself even that. My mosque-going has dwindled down to special occasions such as weddings and a few days in Ramadan (give or take, mostly take).

This happened slowly over a few months – there was an increasing internal friction I experienced while attending that led to an eventual halt in my attendance. This was also connected with a lot of other ‘questions’ and thoughts I had about the Muslim community/institutions that I had for several years. In any case, ‘I couldn’t take it anymore.’ There was a rift between me and the mosque, me and this space that had been such a central part of my life. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it or explain it, and it has been something I have been pondering/analyzing/discussing ever since. It’s a relationship that has been on my mind constantly.

A lot of my issues have to do with rhetoric and subject matter that mosques/institutions perpetuate/are influenced by. Rhetoric because it shapes our attitudes, and subject matter because it is what informs us and dictates our topics of conversation and concern.

Over the years, I’ve been able to deconstruct/unpack a few of my issues with the mosque/Muslim or ‘Islamic’ institutions and sources of ‘knowledge’:

  • The idea that the congregation is a population of sinners and need to be preached to/reminded, rather than approaching/treating the congregation respectfully as a group of individuals who are able to critically think and choose their actions/make ‘good’ decisions for themselves. Anyone who has the mic has not spent every waking minute of their life with me, and thus can’t possibly know whether I’m on the ‘naughty or nice list’. Why not speak to me on my level, even if you think you know what’s better/best for me?
  • Fear-mongering/fear-driven faith and a fixation on Heaven/Hell. We’re all in it for Paradise after all. Yet the Prophet Mohammad, in all the examples that I have gotten to know him, was a servant to God out of love and need, and worked tirelessly for the people to bring social justice and create a better world for all of humanity – because of love, even for his oppressors. Not because he was fixated on getting into Paradise and avoiding Hell, but because he wanted to please God and not displease him (metaphors for Heaven and Hell, but not the end goals – the end goals were God’s Love and showing God gratitude). In my experience this creates a paradigm where people exercise faith based on this fear rather than a higher moral calling, leading to sever hypocrisies in their actions/being a part of social ills.
  • Lack of women’s voices and thus perspectives. I said it. ‘But he’s married to a woman’. Yes, so are most of the men who partake in systems of patriarchy. ‘But we have women’s classes with women speakers/teachers’. Yes, but who has the ‘power’, the privilege of speaking to the entire congregation?
  • Men speaking for and on behalf of women. A few people speaking on behalf of all. What voices are silenced/never heard in the process? What voices/backgrounds/experiences/information are privileged in the process?
  • Absolute Truth. Knowledge is delivered in a manner that holds it as an absolute, inarguable truth. This causes some congregants to force these ‘absolute truths’ i.e. guidances/perspectives on others and causes some congregants to feel marginalized if they have a different experience/alternative perspective. Also, belief in ‘absolute truth’ as perceived and conveyed by a few does not bear in mind that the deliverer of the knowledge, and even the sources that he has studied, have their biases and limitations, and are often outdated/antiquated/culturally irrelevant.
  • Privileging so-called ‘Islamic’ knowledge and history over other sources of information and perspectives – sociology, anthropology, public health, psychology, non-‘Islamic’ i.e. non-Khalifate/Arab/male history, social & political sciences, etc. ‘Duh, it’s a mosque/Islamic institution’. Who has the authority to define what is allowed to be perceived as ‘Islamic’?
  • Agendas. Knowledge is not delivered in a manner that calls upon the audience to engage and evaluate it. Knowledge is delivered with an agenda for shaping human behavior based on very specific perspectives of what is ‘good’ behavior. Usually, the only topic related to women on this agenda is how she presents herself physically/how she behaves, i.e. hijab/modesty.
  • Use of Arabic/Arabization of Islam. Can we reference words/concepts, figures, examples, historical and current events in China, Iran, Pakistan, Ghana, African-American communities, Indonesia, Latin America, basically the entire world? Are those examples not worth looking into, are they ‘less’ ‘authentically’ ‘Muslim’?
  • Romanticization of historical figures/moments in Islamic history. What about the blood, the gore? What about the dude that PEED (yeah, urinated) in the mosque? What about the Muslims that used to drink, while being Muslim? What about people with mental health issues at that time? What about the women who walked side by side with men in the market, how women navigated in physical and intellectual spaces? What about the poverty – the sheer poverty? Our collective memory picks and chooses moments of Islamic history that reinforce patriarchy and so many other problems in society, while ignoring the other socio-political realities that existed in the same time and space that is being romanticized, that could inform us in so many ways. And why do we need our historical figures to be ‘perfect’ anyway? And why are they almost always male? What about the women? Where are their stories? Somehow, though history is full of examples of how marginalized peoples such as freed slaves and women were the most included in Islamic spaces, we are marginalizing those very people today.
  • ‘Othering’ of non-Muslims and even Muslims who are non-practicing/practice in a different way/are non-orthodox.
  • Moving between a healthy pride in identity to an unhealthy superiority-complex centered around Islam. Obviously a person follows/adheres to a faith because they believe its the right one, but its another level of insecurity/judgment when one feels that others must be wrong for one to be right. And feeling ‘accomplished’ because one is a part of Islam and is a Muslim. Yes, golf clap… we make the world a better place just by breathing and existing. While I am proud of my Muslim identity, I don’t think I’m cooler or better because of it, and have a hard time being around this attitude.
  • Disillusionment with religious leaders. This is one of my hardest learned lessons. Leaders are fallible, and can have the darkest of flaws, regardless and counter to the praise and pedestal which congregations hold them to. Any type of limelight/spotlight/excessive praise and attention/’celebritization’ can heighten one’s vulnerability to overseeing ones flaws or having excuses made for your flaws/your flaws ‘covered up’. Realizing this made me detach and learn that I needed to be responsible for learning my faith and that I can never truly ‘rely’ on an outside source to the point where I turn my brain off and just accept. A leader shouldn’t be made into some celebrity – a leader should be held accountable.
  • Framing of Muslim life in terms of mosque-goers, with no respect to the spaces people create for themselves outside of the mosque. Only mosque and mosque-related gatherings can be considered ‘Muslim’ and ‘Islamic’. Why are you not at the mosque, you Haram people? It’s not possible to be a good Muslim without the mosque! So the mantra goes.
  • Generalizing of ‘good’ vs. ‘bad’ behavior/Muslims. Countless times I have heard examples used to praise ‘good’ vs. ‘bad’ behavior that chooses to embarrass one set of people and behaviors to privilege one set of people and behaviors. Why do we have to hate on someone or something to get a point across? That is not intelligence.
  • Conformity in the name of Islam. As a social space, individuals are judged by their outward displays of ‘religiosity’ and treated with varying degrees of praise/respect or discrimination based on these aspects. Wearing skinny jeans and a loosely fitted dupatta with your hair showing? Not of the ethnic/racial majority in attendance? Do you want to come to the mosque with your blue hair or tattoos showing? Without someone wanting to change you or to adopt ‘Islamic’ culture because its the ‘right’ culture? You have to come ready to ‘fit in’ to a perceived ‘appropriate’ self (rooted nowhere in Islam) and check yourself at the door.
  • Male gaze. Be they horny or be they scouting a future wife, I have often been uncomfortable walking through a mosque space for being on the receiving end of ‘objectifying’ gazes, mostly from men, also from women, regardless of whether I am dressed like a nun, sack of potatoes, or ‘mosque’ appropriate loose clothing. It doesn’t matter, those eyes are staring and boring holes in my skin. Some spaces are definitely better than others, but this has been a consistent, uncomfortable aspect of my experience nonetheless. One would be mistaken to think that I am advocating for further segregation of the sexes. This type of intrusive looking/staring is an ugly part of culture.
  • “Well, it’s not compulsory for you to go to the mosque anyways.” Yes, because we still interpret everything according to the era when people used to bury their daughters, and this is coming from a ‘modern’-day society that is soaked in patriarchy, domestic abuse, objectification of women, lower wages and less opportunities to advance for women, and people who still believe a woman can’t run for president of the United States let alone mosque board (women’s committee only!) because you don’t know what she’ll do when she’s on her period (while women across the world are actively demonstrating this is clearly not the case). The mosque is a powerful place to perform prayers, build your network, be exposed to community events, job opportunities, community-building opportunities, and a healthy and safe social outlet. Who is that being taken away from?
  • Archaic structure/format. A pre-determined 30-40 minute duration reiterating a point that is often made clear within the first few minutes of what is more aptly described as a rambling ‘lecture’ than a reminder. More importantly, out of practicality, there is no space for discussion/elaboration/disagreement, leading to a ‘hegemonic‘ voice that delivers information without being challenged with alternative perspectives. ‘But he’s an imam/teacher, not a speech writer.’ Yes, he (always a he) is an imam/teacher, not a speech writer. But why hold an audience captive for a lengthier duration than is necessary to make the point? And why not afford more time for conversation around the subject matter?
  • Lack of authentic/personal voice. The mannerism is this same ‘style’ of speaking/intonation that is present in some example that every Imam decided to be influenced by, in order to have an air of legitimacy and be taken seriously. In all fairness, the congregation is at fault for having views that only certain types/styles/manners of speaking and presenting oneself can be perceived as ‘Islamic’ and an ‘Islamic authority.’ If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go and listen to the speaking style of pretty much any three-four Imams/speakers at random. Why not sound like himself? Why put on a theatrical persona of ‘a voice of reason/authority’? ‘You’re tripping’. In all likelihood I’m delusional; I have accepted this.
  • ‘Boy’s Club’ or ‘Inner Club’ of influence on influential decision making that will affect the congregants as a whole. Where are we investing our money/resources? How are we determining what topics need to be addressed in our communities? What’s our vision for the future, and who is determining that vision? What if we don’t have the same vision?
  • Access to leaders for women. Where’s the leader after jumuah? Crowdsurfing in the men’s section (I’m being sarcastic). Basically, he’s engulfed in the men’s section/by men/having conversation with men/being exposed to perspectives of men. Want to discuss an idea he brought up during the sermon, or had some further questions, or a completely unrelated concern? Have fun trying to get a hold of him/find him.
  • Acknowledging/legitimizing other cultures, let alone respecting them. There is no culture except Islam! Only Islamic culture is beautiful! And Islamic culture is whatever I think it is! Even though Islam came for all time and all peoples, and we were made into different nations and tribes to get to know one another, not colonize each other/destroy each others cultures/exert a cultural hegemony.
  • Disconnect from contemplating/acknowledging/dealing with systems of class/institutionalized racism/sexism within the mosque and greater community/society.
  • The underlying desire for everyone in the world to become Muslim. The underlying idea that when one meets a non-Muslim… if only they were Muslim! If only that one part of them could be saved/fixed/be able to go to Heaven. The secret hope that they’ll convert. Of course, I get really excited when a celebrity becomes Muslim, mostly because I have a fragmented and fragile identity and I seek validation from public figures/pop culture embracing/accepting my identity.
  • “You just want everyone to tell you that you are right!” No, YOU just want everyone to tell you that you are right, and you’ve already assumed the position of right. Why do I have to prove myself to anyone?
  • Being expected to commit to or be loyal to a mosque, being expected to attend ‘enough.’ What if I’m an introvert, or a nomad, or need some space? What if I’m just really busy? Who are you to expect anything of me? Who are you to know my needs?
  • “It seems like your problem is with mosque-goers, not the mosque.” I have chosen not to make the distinction. The people create the environment in the physical space.
  • “I can give you tons of examples on how you are wrong on each of the points you’ve made.” I can surely find examples as well; these are broader, systemic issues I have perceived to exist. “It seems like you just have problems with the community.” Where else does the community gather and exchange ideas?
  • “You’re just pointing out all the problems.” Yes, that is precisely what I am doing. In all the years that I have felt/thought these things, I haven’t been able to put them into words, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m not claiming to do anything besides that. I’m not writing this in a space that will just put the problems out there for people to see and take pride in the failures of Muslims; this is a space that for me creates a lot of healthy conversations and invites people to share their perspectives. And I am not pointing/blaming anyone here.
  • There’s much more that I continue to unpack/deconstruct/try to put words to as time goes on.

‘Do you want to make the mosque a secular space/unIslamic?!’ I don’t know what I want. That’s why I stopped going – I don’t know what the problem is, and the safest thing for me to do for myself was to distance myself from a space that was no longer a constructive/healthy part of my existence, and was actually chipping away at my happiness/sense of self little by little until I felt I was suffocating/drowning.

‘Wow, you really hate the mosque don’t you. Why are you such a hater?’ I’m not a hater, I just crush a lot. Also, this is a very juvenile way of delegitimizing my concerns. If you try to tell me my concerns aren’t valid, I would like to shake your hand and for you to take me to the place where my concerns aren’t valid so I can see it for myself and bask in the ambiance.

I can’t help but feel a sense of longing for belonging to some type of community structure, for some sense of community, but ‘the mosque’ isn’t doing it for me. Even socializing around the idea of jumuah makes me feel that the epicenter of my socializing will be a fraudulent system I don’t believe in, and thus taint any honest connections, because I myself will be lying for wanting to be there. Sometimes I go for the ritual of going with my loved ones. But I can’t make a habit out of it because I can’t live my life performing rituals for the sake of others.

I wish I could go to the mosque. I have no disdain for mosque-goers. I encourage/support some of my family members to attend as a I know it is important to them. I don’t try to convince them of my perspective, reservations, and feelings, though I do communicate these things as a means of expressing myself and keeping my relationships healthy and honest.

I believe various mosques and institutions provide spiritual and social support for many people, and I am happy for them and thankful for that. I am thankful for the space provided from the hard work of countless nameless individuals that gave me a place to grow up/grow, and explore/form my identities.

I’m not here to analyze the root historical causes of these things that are my issues with the mosque. Neither am I here to blame anyone in particular for my qualms. I don’t think its anyones fault. No one person perpetuates these things. I have gained a lot from many people, leaders, and classes at the mosque. This is a larger, systemic ‘thing’ in my perspective. I haven’t tried to ‘fix’ anything – the way I ‘fixed’ this situation for me is to stop attending. I don’t think the mosque has failed me (I haven’t expressed these thoughts to mosque goers, I haven’t advocated in any way for my perspective). I grew apart from the mosque for various reasons which I attempted to deconstruct above, and will be continuing in my journey to understand. I’ve also taken it upon myself (rather than to depend on an institution) to seek the information that I am interested in and to find newer and newer perspectives to broaden my horizons.

I’m not certain, but it seem that I hope to have some form of community one day, and in many ways, I am creating/seeking alternative communities/spaces. However, if it ever means that I need to accept things the way that they are, to turn off my mind and cease critical thinking, to follow blindly, I’ll have to be without one. If I did have one, I would have to work doubly hard to maintain critical thinking and self-education in order to avoid intellectual and spiritual laziness and dependence on an external source.

More perspectives:

“At the end of the day, shunning the mosque will only hurt you. You dont stop going to work because of your coworkers because at the end of the day you need your paycheck. Nothing and no one should hold you back from doing the things that are pleasing to Allah.” – Omar Suleiman

Respectfully, this is a perspective I just can’t bring myself to accept/agree with. For me its a false analogy. I am nowhere near the most marginalized of people at the mosque, and speaking as someone that does feel marginalized, I don’t think that someone who is not marginalized can understand the difficulty of operating/being accepted/flourishing in a space that can be so detrimental to you as a person rather than uplifting. Who needs that? We often use the excuse, ‘Renew your intentions,’ as a bandaid to addressing any real problems we might have. I guess my intentions are just all bad and I need to throw them in the trash and get new ones – that should fix it.

21 thoughts on “How I became a ‘Ramadan Muslim’

    1. Wow, I’m pinching myself because I know I didn’t write this, but it expresses my feelings and thoughts so perfectly. The fact that you and I, both deeply embedded in our local community mosques for many, many years and both committed to Islam absolutely … that we are finding no “home” at the masjid is a fundamental problem that our communities simply will not acknowledge, let alone address. The Brother who now heads up our masjid is one of the BEST ever and I support his efforts fully, but even he cannot make the paradigm shift so critical if our community is to ever be inclusive of those who think like I do. So, here it is – another Friday – and I’m doing my regular work (which is fully focused on supporting Islamic education because I am an activist Muslim) and not attending the Juma’a. I quit trying to explain myself years ago because my friends just don’t understand. But your article says it all. Thank you and Salams.

  1. Salaam,

    JazakAllah khairan for writing the article. I respect your criticisms and opinions and I believe they are valid concerns. However, I differ in your resolution, though I understand it’s a personal journey.

    I do agree that the masajid have lots of issues. I almost came close to turning away from them because of the political battles and the effect they had on people at the masjid. I quit the Sunday school I was teaching at because I was saddened and thought to myself this isn’t whats suppose to be happening at Allah’s house.

    But, I gathered myself and honestly gathered the courage and fought my frustrations bad exhaustion and still went to the masjid, because deep down I loved going to the masjid and I wasn’t about to let any one trump my connection with Allah, being in his house, getting the ajr for salah in congregation, and I wasn’t about to tell myself I can’t help change this.

    I kept going because if I didn’t go, then the kids that came to the masjid after me would have me to blame. I hold a responsibility to the very conmunity I complained about. I have the power to change it. It may take time, but change will come. It may take 10 yrs but it will come.

    They dynamic of the masajid are changing. Masajid were very different when our parents arrived to the country. They were and to a large degree remain male centered but it’s changing. The women’s area is changing. Women are on boards of masajid now and they are being consulted on their views. Is it enough? Of course not, but it’s a work in progress!

    And the question about women scholars, I completely agree, where is our history? Where are the women scholars? It’s definitely something we need to bring to the limelight because we need ourselves, our daughters, mothers, sisters to be proud of being a smart, intellectual, women.

    But it takes people to bring about a change. I feel your pain and hurt and I’ve been on the receiving end of masjid marginalism too but the solution isn’t to abandon it.

    You have to be part of that change. Slowly change will come inshaAllah!

    JazakAllah khairan for having the courage to speak your voice.

    One more note: jummah khutbahs definitely need a proper revival but I think it is starting to happen.

    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts Samrina! While I have taken a ‘step back’ from the mosque in order to better understand my frustrations, I have chosen to engage my community in different ways – I have not chosen to ‘disengage’. I am empowered by hearing you say, ‘I have the power to change it. It may take time, but change will come. It may take 10 yrs but it will come.’ I believe it. Thank you.

      1. but by not going to the masjid, you are disengaging. by not being an active presence, your complaints are more or less unheard. Nobody changes the masjid for the person who shows up a few times a year. The masjid changes when the congregation wants it to change. Everything from the content of the khutbah, the wall between the men and women, the way people treat each other there, even the imam. It can all change, as long as the congregation wants it to.

        maybe if you are involved in your local masjid, have like-minded friends at your local masjid, organize events at your local masjid, the culture of the local masjid will change. If you disengage the masjid, the same people who have made it an uncomfortable place for you will continue to run the masjid the way it is run. They won’t fix what they don’t know is broken. In other words, you can’t just complain about how it is, stop going, and wait for things to change.

      2. Omar, thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts. I appreciate that you’ve offered solutions: “have like-minded friends at your local masjid, organize events at your local masjid.” I hope that by deconstructing some of the reasons I found myself at friction with the mosque/Muslim institutions, it helps in some very small way to bridge the UNDERSTANDING gap between the the dichotomy our greater society, and community, tends to create: inherently good person vs inherently bad person, good Muslim vs bad Muslim, hijabi vs nonhijabi, and in this case, mosque-goer vs. non-mosque-goer. I am having enlightening conversations with my friends who do attend the mosque around this blogpost.

        I had responded to one of my friends with the following: “If you are able to attend the mosque in peace, and experience peace, I would like to question whether it is fair to accuse those that have found it to be a place of violence for their sense of self to have ‘given up’ and ‘abandoned’ the mosque- perhaps we can see this is a sense of self-preservation/preservation of their connection with God, and perhaps we can learn to respect that they have found ways to remember God in other settings.”

        I am not in any disagreement with you on the fact that we do have to engage with the mosque to see change. And the reality is, there are people who attend the mosque that are working towards change, and are accomplishing things, one stride at a time. I respect and acknowledge this.

        By writing, I truly mean to explain my thought process, deconstruct how I found myself not attending, and simply that. It’s not an excuse, and it’s not an answer. But I do know also, that the conversations we have when we honestly express what we love/what is positive and what we don’t love/what hurts us as a community, can lead to social change – including at the mosque.

        Thanks again for sharing and offering solutions.

    2. To Samrina – it’s not fair to say she should donate more of her time and self to the masjid when she clearly has already. I donated decades and never saw the change I needed to breathe or even leave my spirit intact … forget feeling it soar. The rate of change at masjids is just too slow. I don’t care what sort of change has already occurred because it might have been okay for Aunties and those who came from overseas, but I’m a convert, and the change was just waaaaaay to slow. Right now, it’s at least 20 years behind, out of step with the world I live in and ANY sort of critical thinking I demand in my life. I quit attending the masjid for the sake of my iman because if I had continued to attend, I would have lost it. That’s a sad, sad statement for me because I love Islam and my fellow Muslims.

  2. Wonderful and beautiful thoughts! Thank you for sharing, I think sometimes its best to pray towards the Mecca of the heart, you know?

  3. Oh dear, where do I start with all this nonsense? American, liberal, kumbaya Muslims letting us down once again. Okay, so you dedicated your precious time to write such a long post with a billion bullet points. I’m not on the same level as you, and I don’t like wasting my time writing about why the masjid ‘hurt me so much that I can never go back!!!’, however, I will reply to a few of the points you made. One, you say that the masjid is obsessed with “The idea that the congregation is a population of sinners”. Are we sinners? Yes. Do we need to address that as a whole – as a group? Yes. If you think that the transgressions that the imam/speaker is talking about do not apply to you specifically then you can just leave, or you can decide to stay and take some benefit from it. A sin is a sin is a sin, at the end of the day, and whatever the speaker is talking about, he is advising himself first and foremost. What I want for my brother or sister, I want for you as well.

    As for your second point, oh God, this one is just funny. Islam is a religion based on submission, not peace, but submission. Absolute submission, okay? That means that when the verse ‘ And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me’ was revealed we heard, and we obeyed. “Yet the Prophet Mohammad, in all the examples that I have gotten to know him, was a servant to God out of love and need, and worked tirelessly for the people to bring social justice and create a better world for all of humanity – because of love, even for his oppressors” because of love? Not exactly. It was as an act of worship. Everything the Prophet did was an act of worship. Besides, he was the best man to have ever walked on this planet, and was granted Jannah when he was alive. The rest of need to work towards that, and we’re not gonna get there by following your advice. The end goal is Jannah, this world is temporary. I’m not saying go avoid all your duties in this life, but you get the point.

    Another funny point of yours, the knowledge taught in masjids is often “outdated/antiquated/culturally irrelevant”. Riiiiggghhhhhht. Yeah because the deen is outdated, because wearing hijab is outdated, because learning how to cleanse properly for salat is outdated, because learning the rules of tajweed is outdated. Are we supposed to have lessons in integrating into mainstream American society, and attaining that wonderful American dream? No. Integration is common sense, as for falling for capitalist, imperialist pseudo ideals, that’s your choice to make. I don’t know what “Romanticization of historical figures/moments in Islamic history” you’re talking about, but I do not about that Bedouin Hadith, and if the Prophet didn’t get angry about then you certainly have no reason to. He didn’t know, he learnt. Trouble is, you’re refusing to do the latter. Which brings me on to another one of yours, the good old ‘why no women?!??!’ – as a woman myself, I need to refer you to this: There are sister circles and everything, there are loads of online classes, in this day and age you can learn the deen from at home and the masjid cannot provide absolutely everything. It seems like you just had a problem with your own masjid and decided to have this long meaningless rant for no reason other than to complain. Spread your wings a little, and maybe go to a different masjid? Preferably a proper Ahlu-Sunnah wal Jama’ah one. Anyway, that’s me done.

    1. Filsan, thank you for taking the time to read and to share your thoughts! I understand where you are coming from, and your perspective is one that many share.

      Just like I don’t try to convince my family and friends of my perspective, I’m not here to ‘convince’ you either, I am simply sharing my perspective. As I mentioned, ‘I believe various mosques and institutions provide spiritual and social support for many people, and I am happy for them and thankful for that.’ It seems that this statement may be relevant to your experience.

      I also mentioned, ‘I’m not here to analyze the root historical causes of these things that are my issues with the mosque. Neither am I here to blame anyone in particular for my qualms. I don’t think its anyones fault. No one person perpetuates these things. I have gained a lot from many people, leaders, and classes at the mosque. This is a larger, systemic ‘thing’ in my perspective. I haven’t tried to ‘fix’ anything – the way I ‘fixed’ this situation for me is to stop attending. I don’t think the mosque has failed me (I haven’t expressed these thoughts to mosque goers, I haven’t advocated in any way for my perspective). I grew apart from the mosque for various reasons which I attempted to deconstruct above, and will be continuing in my journey to understand.’

      Clearly, I do not blame the mosque for anything, or any one in particular, and I have taken great care to differentiate that this is MY perspective, my PERCEIVED issues. No where did I say that this is fact or that it is something the mosque needs to do anything about.

      I simply shared a perspective of why I, a mosque-goer for 20+ years, found myself feeling alienated from the mosque. I simply deconstructed why I found that the mosque was not on the same page with me in terms of my spiritual and intellectual needs – perhaps in your perspective, I am not on the same page as the mosque, and I won’t refute that! As I mentioned earlier, “I haven’t tried to ‘fix’ anything – the way I ‘fixed’ this situation for me is to stop attending. I don’t think the mosque has failed me.” Perhaps I’m the ‘problem’ – perhaps I don’t ‘fit in’ and ‘submit’ properly according to the mosque institution – it’s plausible!

      I’m not quite sure where you derived the conclusion that I am “falling for capitalist, imperialist pseudo ideals.” Perhaps you have perfectly untangled yourself from the capitalism/imperialism that pervades our global society and that which our actual living/breathing/working/existing is perpetuating. If you’ve found a shortcut to rise above the system, I hope you’ll share it.

      Maybe I don’t want what you want for me Fasila. And you are mistaken if you think that I want for you what I want for myself, unless that is a space in which you can find peace to practice/gain/meet your spiritual/intellectual needs (which I think you’ve found, so again, I’m happy for you, and I’m not here in attempts to alter that experience). And that’s why I think this conversation is healthy. We don’t all need to want or need the same things.

      Thank you for broadening the conversation.

  4. One of the perspectives shared with me is that I the author of this article am perceived to be complaining, but not proposing any solutions or taking any action. I would like to address a few of my thoughts on this perspective.

    Firstly, I took full responsibility of this in my blogpost: ““You’re just pointing out all the problems.” Yes, that is precisely what I am doing. In all the years that I have felt/thought these things, I haven’t been able to put them into words, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m not claiming to do anything besides that. I’m not writing this in a space that will just put the problems out there for people to see and take pride in the failures of Muslims; this is a space that for me creates a lot of healthy conversations and invites people to share their perspectives. And I am not pointing/blaming anyone here.” For me, deconstructing these points, writing about them, sharing them, is my first step in beginning to understand my place in society, my relationship with the mosque and Muslim institutions, and what it all means.

    Secondly, if one perceives any of my perceived issues to be valid, here is a question: Why is the immediate reaction to shift responsibility of action away from oneself and onto me? If you perceive any of my perceived issues to be valid, I invite you to have conversations around these perceived issues, to brainstorm solutions to these perceived issues, and to think about what action you may or may not want to take to address these perceived issues. That’s what I’m doing. I don’t perceive that my perceived issues can be addressed with any ‘easy’ solutions, or if a ‘solution’ is needed at all – because, after all, the mosque DOES work just the way it is for some people. Because I am not implying that the mosque is ‘broken’ for everyone – that wouldn’t be fair and it strips the dignity and agency of people that do like things the way that they are. If you feel there is something more than ‘complain’ why not share with me what that is, why not share ideas and actions you’ve thought of/taken? I might be inspired to follow in your footsteps. For me, I am not yet sure/contemplating what there is beyond ‘complaining’ i.e. recognizing my perceived issues and creating a space for communicating and creating understanding around them. I’m not seeking a band-aid for my thoughts/feelings/perceptions. I am thinking about community/society as a whole and how I am going to find a place/space for me that meets my spiritual/intellectual needs, and what the steps are to finding/creating that.

    When I wrote this, I specifically pointed out that this is MY perspective/MY PERCEIVED issues, and I did not blame the mosque or any individuals in the mosque for my perceptions/issues. I.E. I’m not necessarily saying that something needs to be done about this. I am merely deconstructing my experiences. I have agency, you have agency. I respect each of our individual agency and what we choose to do with it. I am in no place to call on you to exercise your agency in a particular way. I also don’t feel that anyone else is in any place to call upon me to exercise my agency in the way that they feel I should exercise it, or to delegitimize how I may be/may not be choosing to/choosing not to exercise my agency.

    1. Mastadon, thank you for reading! And thank you for sharing this article – the author provides a very, very interesting perspective; I hope to read it a couple times to become more familiar with some of the ideas he has introduced.

      I am not sure how I feel about the idea of re-organizing oneself around one’s ethnic identity as a solution to ‘restoring’ non-monolothic understandings of those that identify with Islam/as Muslim. Part of my journey in understanding/deconstructing my experiences is getting to know my various identities/the way that I am identified – woman, Muslim, Pakistani, American, heterosexual, headscarf-wearer, etc., and how these all might relate, so these are things I am thinking about and have no concrete or developed thoughts to share on.

      Also, while he does point out the role of orientalism, it seems that author didn’t touch upon the role that U.S. imperialist policies/politics have played in shaping/creating/identifying/employing the ‘Muslim’ identity to which ‘Muslims’ in ‘America’ are subject/prey.

      (Also, can you believe that when I type in orientalism, it is flagged in red as a typo. Get with it computer dictionary).

      Thanks again for reading and sharing! Do share any thoughts if you would like to!

  5. Nida, great post. I agree with many of the issues you’ve identified and you put into words a lot of the issues I’ve felt but haven’t been able to describe. I guess that’s why I’ve drifted away too. I just go to pray and leave. I also appreciate you identifying that you are only naming the issues but not the solution. 90% of the solution is a crisp definition of the problem (says my CEO).

    At the end of the day my engineering brain tries to solve the problem – either engage in the existing apparatus or start your own thing. After extensive experience in the former, lately I lean towards the latter. Every time I think of a “free-market”/competition to serve for community orgs, it seems to make a lot of sense but I feel it’s a scary thought. Maybe that’s just “the resistance”? I dunno I’m thinking out loud here. Also drawing a blank on the solution. Confident Allah won’t leave us hanging.

  6. Thank you for writing this. I found so much resonance in it. The only thing I would add/layer in is the covert (sometimes explicit) racism in primarily South Asian or Arab mosques against our Black co-religionists and others. This vibe definitely alienated me from my faith community. Thankfully, there have been more opportunities to connect, grow, learn, and deepen my faith through online fora. The Village Aunty institute just hosted a virtual, all-women’s Qiyaam night yesterday that was so healing and beautiful. Blessings and thanks for all you do, S.

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