We share links about it, we say its wrong. We speak about it, and often in a condescending way, in a way that is separate from us, and afflicting other human beings. But do we allow ourselves to contemplate what forms of domestic violence may or may not have touched us? We like to keep our image above these things, separate and untouched by these negative behaviors.
Domestic violence isn’t limited to one human being physically hitting another human being. It can be shouting at the top of your lungs. It can be icing someone out. It can be disrespectful mannerisms and statements that become habitual ways of (mis)communicating anger and aggression. Name-calling, threatening, ultimatums. Domestic violence can be breaking things, destroying what you have built.
One of the reasons it is statistically shown that someone who experiences domestic violence in their household is more likely to commit domestic violence, is because…
Day in and day out, the observer, the person, has lived in fear of this violence. They have watched human emotions explode. They have watched people deal with situations in this manner. And even though they know it can’t be right, it is wired in their memory, in their neurological pathways, in their bones. It is what they know. It doesn’t matter that they know it is wrong. It matters that they know it.
To see other examples is to see them from the distance, as a happy joke. The example they know is the one they have lived. And once a person has experienced this example, it is a lifelong habit that one has to build to fight these patterns, to fight what they know, so that it does not destroy more relationships, so that the next generation does not learn it, and has something better to learn from. They have to fight the hatred built inside of them, argue against their impulses, resist the memories flashing up in their mind, and build a new path of love in the most weak and challenged of their times.
They learn and recognize that perhaps the individuals they observed were not equipped with the tools they needed to recognize and deal with their weaknesses in a healthier manner. And even if they had the tools, perhaps they did not have the strength. But We will resolve to make our very weaknesses, our most weak points in life, our biggest strengths. We recognize the demons and darkness inside. We will fight like Prophets in our times of anger. We will emulate Buddha and exude enlightenment. We will be better. We will resist within ourselves, learn new ways, until fighting and projecting is not a way at all in our lives, and the way we deal with our emotions and problems is our biggest strength. And We will be the better for it. We can and We will.