I spend much if not most of my time resisting the thoughts and ideas of others, as well as their lifestyles. I am also always resisting the writing process, which I will henceforth no longer write about (I write about it thinking that I will come back to it, but the time has come for me to realize I will not come back to it, and that it in itself is part of my process of running away.)
So it is that I spend much if not most of my time resisting the thoughts and ideas of others. I scroll through my Facebook newsfeed, waiting to be annoyed by one status or another. I’m pretty much nondiscriminatory when it comes to who can annoy me in such a manner. I will wait for one piece of language or another to irk and annoy me and set me off on a tirade in my mind. Ugh, how could he say that. Ugh, why would she say it like that. And here I am, sitting mighty and haughty, above them all, thinking that I am learning, I am researching for my writing, when really, I am running. I am running from having my own thoughts. I am feeble and weak so I poke at the thoughts of others, rather than formulate, digest, prod, and deconstruct my own. Why not write and challenge my own thoughts. Why not argue against and with myself. Why not grow my own mind instead of laughing and mocking the growth of others.
So here I am, beginning the process of looking inwards and resisting something, which is the desire to fall into the judging of others, and to turn the eye inward and then look out.
I do have a lot to say, and I hope I will say it. I hope I now understand, too, that it will not be perfect, but it will be a reflection of what I thought and felt in a moment, an exploration of a time, rather than a stamp and exclamation of Truth.